i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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