Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
