I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
