dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
