My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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