i barfeds in our rink
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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