Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
