If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
