People in love make me want to vomit
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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