Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
