Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
