i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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