i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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