everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
