I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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