Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
