He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
