I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
