Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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