Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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