Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
