I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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