i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
