Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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