i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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