i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
