I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
