glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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