Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
