shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
