dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
