Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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