Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
