Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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