why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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