Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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