Where is the hickey?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
