bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
