i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
