You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
