Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Still dying that you shit outside
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
