i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
