you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
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Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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