Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize