could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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