im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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