I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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