New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
