I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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