FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
