Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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