toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
