I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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