I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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