I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
