worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
