I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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