Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
