he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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