The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
